Irony of my life

Never was I meant to be in a box
I was free, I could fly
Never realised one of my leg being tied
To the branch I'm not quite fond of
Today I sit in a corner of the box
Neat and Squared
This is the fate I never dreamt of

Complex

You’re too cold hearted!

A few would disagree

You’re too proud!

Only a few knows of my modesty

You’re way too arrogant for the world to contain!

Am I?

You don’t know how to care for!

Don’t I? I thought I cared for you this whole time

You’re too blunt!

That I agree

You don’t have feelings!

Says who? Have you ever saw through my heart?

You’re too bitter!

Why wouldn’t I be? Ever tried nurturing my sweet side?

You’re full of over confidence!

Don’t worry sweetheart, you’ve crushed me so badly that I know nothing of confidence anymore

You’re an epitome of negativity!

Well I’ve stopped seeing the bright side of life, I’m sorry.

At the end of the day I am just a conglomeration of cells

Breathing like a human does and surviving with a dead mind

Lying on bed and counting the days

Each day has become a battle for survival

Every morning with a warped up mind

I’m sorry I’ve ceased to impress you

Differences

We're too different 

I, the Milky way

You, the Andromeda

We were to fuse

But couldn't

Our gravitational pull ain't that strong 

Never seperated ourselves from our own respective centres

Hence, we never collide.

SUPERHUMAN

A queen was born in the 70s

Innocent, untouched, pure.

Came across a man

Lovestruck!

Married in her teens

Mother of two in her mid 20s.

Exposed to the atrocities of fellow beings

She challenged the world

Said she could make it

She almost gave up, but she did make it.

She went through storms and thunder

Poverty, desperation, depression

She went through hell in her surroundings

She experienced heaven in her two kids.

Honed her skills to be a woman so strong

Unbrittle, unbreakable

Indestructible by a canon ball

Born a human

Today she is  the ‘SUPERHUMAN’.

I ask myself...

The thirty frantic calls I made

The half roll of tissue I wasted

The long apologetic messages I sent

The eager wait for your reply each day

Was it all worth it?

The midnight walk on the chilly night

The sleepless nights I had each time

The large gasps I took to fill my lungs with air

The tears that almost choked me to death

The paint on my eyes to hide the swellings the next day

Did you deserve it?

The numerous times I made a fool of myself 

Professing my love for you

Only to be rejected each time

It left a scar in me so deep

Its all now turning into a bad memory

I'm slowly healing..

Life on a Sunday in K-Town…

Woke up with a grumpy mood, headed to the loo and the first thing I did???(Naah! Not brushing)  Stood infront of the mirror experimenting  various styles for my hair and ofcourse, admiring my brown skin with all its flaws (much self boasting, eh??)

Next. Sat infront of the pc to see if I’ve received any important texts/mails.. ahemm!! Drank the milk and decided to read a paper. As I was just skimming through the pages my favourite kids of all—Poky came and poked his head  on the door (You should’ve seen his adorable smile J)

After the early morning socializing it was time for meal  and my mentor cum guide cum counselor cum friend and of course, my partner in every crime Mr T joined us. The after meal conversation went on from ‘What I want to do with my life’ to ‘Why I am a lunatic?’ (Yeah, talked only of me, narcissist much??) Then we drifted to a topic which we avoided for quite a few months now—Our Pet Project!!

What do you think ‘Our Pet Project’ is?  No babes no! Its not about we planning to adopt strays for pets, no! Its not we planning to take individual pets either. Will let you know in few months (if we ever get on with it ), until then stay curious J

Mr T left but the idea of the project didn’t leave my mind.As I was sweeping and scrubbing I kept thinking —How to do? What to do? How to approach? Etc etc etc..Man! I love the moment when ideas originate in my head. Hunger!!

Next I went to Bkawn to treat myself with the mouth watering momos! As tasty as they were, I wouldn’t have realized if I would have swallowed my tongue as well (heeee..)This place thrives with the gushing of the small time Sunday traders.

 I sat there enjoying my momo and the question of my social life popped in my head. The only place I move around is Dtown restaurant, uncle’s house, school and back to home (all lying in one junction) I am like WHAAAAT!! A 25 year old lady, only one reliable adult friend in town  and the rest being kids in the age group of 3-12 years :| . As I kept analyzing it all I conceded to the fact that kids innocence alone gives sheer joy and  I am happy that I've got less people around.

A little less than half of the Sunday still remains for me to be happy (if nothing crashes in the next 10 hours..heee)

Dusting off the MAGIC....

Well, in the 25 years of my existence I have come across certain things, certain people- rich, poor, arrogant, patient ..I’ve had three official boyfriends till date – the first one- a fan of heavy metal  with his feet on the ground; second--a one week boyfriend;third, the Magic—whom I’ve hero worshipped. After the standard ‘He’ has set, I don’t know if I can ever fall for anyone again.

 Currently, my heart is in crisis, we broke up 2 nights back—BROKE UP!! I know right!! Why the hell did it happen? Well, I could’nt be patient with him anymore, I wanted attention, more attention. One night I opened up and  BOOOM!! It all ended.

What I’ve discovered in the process is that he never was into me as I was into him. But I cannot hate him either. He is different, a kind I’ve never met before nor will I ever meet. Honestly, I get so jealous when he speaks of his ex whom he fondly refers to as P/ R. I know I should just let it go but my so called inferiority complex engulfs me whole. I can’t just come out of it at times. Honestly, I am proud of this man even though he doesn’t love me back. His sense of ideals are so strong, I look at him like magic. I can’t get angry at him even though I want to hate him. My heart melts everytime I think of him and I mean it (even though he doesn’t believe when I say it).

According to him a relationship should be like a pillow— something to relax on when tired. He may not be the man I’ve expected him to be but trust me, he is the most honest and straight forward guy I’ve met so far (and most practical too). At first I might not agree to the philosophical thoughts he throws at me but eventually I couldn’t not agree to it, I end up saying,’Hmm..you know, you are right’.

Well I’m gonna miss this man a lot! The night we broke up was the only break up suffocation I’ve went through in my life and believe me when I say this, it was painful. I ache till today but I can’t even chain him to me right? I can’t hold on to a person because of my selfish wants. Maybe this is what it feels like to let go of the person you love, to set him free. I smiled as I did that. It is painful yet beautiful. And hence, I dusted off the Magic allowing the glitters to remain though.

Travelogue #1

Silchar

A land of the vibrants! The burst of colours as you enter the territory, the senseless blow of horns, the highly variated veggies on every street, the confident cows sitting on the mid road, temples in each corner,  masjids  in the next , all being the reminder of the vibrancy of the place.

People applying  bright red vermillion or wearing bright red dresses on a hot summer day adds colour to the life of a dull human like me! I love the music played on the stereo be it in autos or shops filled with youngsters which otherwise I never listen to, not in a billion years. And yet, I fall in love with the songs.

I love the challenges this place provide, the people provide. And the satisfaction of succeeding in the challenge each time is just mind blowing! The sweat on my brow, the burns on my skin become all the more worth it.

The roadside food you get in such cheap a price, the hot cup of tea early in the morning, the possibility of getting sugar as per our convenience (Rs 10 for that matter) makes my stay here all the more sweet. The challenge of balancing hot-headedness  and a cool head forces my mind to work which otherwise remains idle.You can act rich and at the same time not hide the fact that you are a pauper in true sense. You can be anything and anyone here, that’s how comfortable I am with this place.

The rickshaw journey on the flooded streets add more to the fun!!

And ofcourse, how can I forget the other name of LOVE! (heeeee...)